I was out the other day celebrating my homie’s birthday and I felt someone walk really close by me. I thought it was strange but I shrugged it off because I was in a packed place and everyone kept bumping into each other. 5 minutes later I realized my phone was gone. I thought that it was an accident, and it must have fallen out of my pocket and the next day I would get an email from a tall dark stranger saying “Aisha I found your phone” and he and I would skip towards each other in slow motion, we would hug, and my phone would be returned to me while flower petals fell through the air and Michael Buble “I just haven’t met you yet” played in the background.
Instead what happened was the person switched off my phone right away, probably took my sim card out and sold my phone into the sex slave industry.
I spent the next day pretending to be Bruce Willis (except with long luscious hair) trying to track my phone, trying to send a message to the person, trying to turn back time so this never happened, trying to ask Rogers how the secret service track phones and if they have that same technology and what tests I need to do to join the secret service. I felt really frustrated because I had no idea where my phone was and started questioning what we actually do know about life.
Life is uncertain. Anything could happen at any time. How scarey is that? But the only thing that is certain is that there is uncertainty and we can’t control our surroundings.
So if you expect uncertainty you won’t be disappointed the next time a dinosaur comes out of nowhere while Michael Buble is playing in the background and tramples over your house because anything can happen. I guess the only thing you can control is your mind and what you think of things. (Although it fine to be really effing pissed off at the dinosaur at first and try to throw your lost cell phone at him.)
Uncertainty you one upped me this time. And to whoever stole my phone, you probably need it a lot more than I do. I forgive you. I am more angry at myself for not trusting my instincts when I thought something was off. I assume I will probably meet you somewhere at a coed washroom and you will apologize to me. Over and out.